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Unexpected things I hate about expecting..
A few things about being pregnant that I had not expected, and that I cannot stand:
-- I hate people around me suddenly "forgetting" reasons to talk to me, other than ask me "how are you feeling" and ask me about the baby again and share another pregnancy advice. I hate writing emails to friends just to get another short "how are you feeling?" back.
I feel like shit because being pregnant means that you are no longer you. Everything else that made you "you" up to this point (your interests, talents, hobbies, sense of humor, etc) suddenly shouldn't mean anything, and if it does - you are a bad person and a bad future mother.
-- I hate talking about it. Seriously, people - even if you like gingerbread lattes, the 3rd time someone mentions gingerbread lattes to you today is gonna make you cringe, and the 23rd time someone mentions gingerbread lattes to you this week is gonna make you wanna hit them with something heavy. And even after you specifically tell people "look, I REALLY do not want to talk about babies any more" , they look at you like "oh, you are gonna have to get over this" and keep on trying to talk about babies. I especially hate it at parties or group gatherings when another mother suddenly finds my presence there a perfect and long-waited reason to share the details of her recent breast-pumping experiences - in front of the other 10 people who obviously don't give a crap.
Involuntarily I seem to be inviting these conversations everywhere. Being pregnant means that you get good at finding ways to change conversation subjects without being super rude. And that you no longer care as much about being rude.
I hate it when seeing an old school friend for the first time in 3 years turns into a 2-hour hospital delivery advice. I hate it when I tell a person that I am really busy working right now and have to run, and in return hear "so.. have you painted your baby room yet?"
It is just plain logical and simple: I do NOT want to or have the time to talk about baby names, breast-feeding, painting the baby's bedroom and all this stuff 25 times a day! And I do not want to feel guilty about not wanting to talk about it!
-- I hate it because I am building a business in a heavily male-dominated industry in a country where gender equality, just like racial equality for that matter, is still nothing but a list of instructions a hiring manager refers to in order to avoid law suits. (I was recently surprised to realize that former USSR offers the most gender equality out of all places I've been to so far). And I am worried about the additional shit I am going to have to put up with once I can no longer conceal my pregnancy under the jackets. Would I even be able to close any new deals in another month or so? Would I lose clients since most of my clients' wives are stay-at-home maids, and I am not sure my clients understand that it is NOT the baby that is going to dictate my ability to get things done.
-- I miss feeling good. This is one of the things I miss the most - having the energy to do things. Contrary to what pregnancy books tell you, the fatigue doesn't end with the first trimester (at least not in my case). Really, it is hard to feel good about yourself when you can't get much done because you need 12-13 hours of sleep a day, and have to substitute activities with naps. And when you are awake - it takes will to stay awake. (Low blood pressure and anemia don't help.)
-- I miss not feeling depressed. There are still a few things I have not resolved in my head that cause me a lot of anxiety. I can deal with financial stress/lack of money and other tangible issues. What I cannot deal with is the existential crap - am I doing the right thing by bringing another human into this world? In today's world (in the place I am at) with the crappy school systems, with almost mandatory mental medication, with so little chance for kids to have an adventurous childhood (a childhood that I had) - play outside with other kids, walk or take a bus to activities without parents holding your hand, explore your own independence. How will I protect my kid from TV, from the stupid play station games, from all the artificial and materialistic crap that simply didn't exist when I was growing up?
I was blessed with having an awesome childhood: playing outside till dark with other kids (and without parents), in nature, fishing, skiing, skating, being able to explore my own independence since I was 7 or 8 years old. I had my key to our apartment, my mom was at work all day, and I just did my own thing, by myself: heated left-overs on the stove, took a bus (or a boat across the bay) to dance lessons, walked to piano lessons, walked to school, knew that I had to do my home work before I could go play. And when the homework was done - the world was at my disposal, with 20 or so kids living within a 10-minute walking distance I could go grab to raise hell outside.
Since the early age I was given responsibilities, and I was rewarded with more independence for meeting these responsibilities. And as long as I was home before dark, as long as I did my house chores, as long as I was getting "A's" - I was allowed to be "on my own".
This is so not the reality today, at least in the US. Yet, to me, having this fundamental freedom to make a few daily decisions on your own as a kid is essential to a human's ability to grow up as a normal and functional being.
For most generations parents wanted their children to have a better childhood than what they had. Seems like my wish is almost the opposite: I want my kid to have the childhood I had, yet I realize that this is not going to be possible. I need to figure out how I am going to cope with not being able to give my daughter the childhood I want her to have. But again, moving to a farm is always an option. : )
Well, this is obviously a rant, after another day of being tired, and trying to find creative ways to avoid more upcoming baby talk during holidays by an impromptu getaway to some place in the Caribbean.
There is a lot that I need to figure out.
-- I hate people around me suddenly "forgetting" reasons to talk to me, other than ask me "how are you feeling" and ask me about the baby again and share another pregnancy advice. I hate writing emails to friends just to get another short "how are you feeling?" back.
I feel like shit because being pregnant means that you are no longer you. Everything else that made you "you" up to this point (your interests, talents, hobbies, sense of humor, etc) suddenly shouldn't mean anything, and if it does - you are a bad person and a bad future mother.
-- I hate talking about it. Seriously, people - even if you like gingerbread lattes, the 3rd time someone mentions gingerbread lattes to you today is gonna make you cringe, and the 23rd time someone mentions gingerbread lattes to you this week is gonna make you wanna hit them with something heavy. And even after you specifically tell people "look, I REALLY do not want to talk about babies any more" , they look at you like "oh, you are gonna have to get over this" and keep on trying to talk about babies. I especially hate it at parties or group gatherings when another mother suddenly finds my presence there a perfect and long-waited reason to share the details of her recent breast-pumping experiences - in front of the other 10 people who obviously don't give a crap.
Involuntarily I seem to be inviting these conversations everywhere. Being pregnant means that you get good at finding ways to change conversation subjects without being super rude. And that you no longer care as much about being rude.
I hate it when seeing an old school friend for the first time in 3 years turns into a 2-hour hospital delivery advice. I hate it when I tell a person that I am really busy working right now and have to run, and in return hear "so.. have you painted your baby room yet?"
It is just plain logical and simple: I do NOT want to or have the time to talk about baby names, breast-feeding, painting the baby's bedroom and all this stuff 25 times a day! And I do not want to feel guilty about not wanting to talk about it!
-- I hate it because I am building a business in a heavily male-dominated industry in a country where gender equality, just like racial equality for that matter, is still nothing but a list of instructions a hiring manager refers to in order to avoid law suits. (I was recently surprised to realize that former USSR offers the most gender equality out of all places I've been to so far). And I am worried about the additional shit I am going to have to put up with once I can no longer conceal my pregnancy under the jackets. Would I even be able to close any new deals in another month or so? Would I lose clients since most of my clients' wives are stay-at-home maids, and I am not sure my clients understand that it is NOT the baby that is going to dictate my ability to get things done.
-- I miss feeling good. This is one of the things I miss the most - having the energy to do things. Contrary to what pregnancy books tell you, the fatigue doesn't end with the first trimester (at least not in my case). Really, it is hard to feel good about yourself when you can't get much done because you need 12-13 hours of sleep a day, and have to substitute activities with naps. And when you are awake - it takes will to stay awake. (Low blood pressure and anemia don't help.)
-- I miss not feeling depressed. There are still a few things I have not resolved in my head that cause me a lot of anxiety. I can deal with financial stress/lack of money and other tangible issues. What I cannot deal with is the existential crap - am I doing the right thing by bringing another human into this world? In today's world (in the place I am at) with the crappy school systems, with almost mandatory mental medication, with so little chance for kids to have an adventurous childhood (a childhood that I had) - play outside with other kids, walk or take a bus to activities without parents holding your hand, explore your own independence. How will I protect my kid from TV, from the stupid play station games, from all the artificial and materialistic crap that simply didn't exist when I was growing up?
I was blessed with having an awesome childhood: playing outside till dark with other kids (and without parents), in nature, fishing, skiing, skating, being able to explore my own independence since I was 7 or 8 years old. I had my key to our apartment, my mom was at work all day, and I just did my own thing, by myself: heated left-overs on the stove, took a bus (or a boat across the bay) to dance lessons, walked to piano lessons, walked to school, knew that I had to do my home work before I could go play. And when the homework was done - the world was at my disposal, with 20 or so kids living within a 10-minute walking distance I could go grab to raise hell outside.
Since the early age I was given responsibilities, and I was rewarded with more independence for meeting these responsibilities. And as long as I was home before dark, as long as I did my house chores, as long as I was getting "A's" - I was allowed to be "on my own".
This is so not the reality today, at least in the US. Yet, to me, having this fundamental freedom to make a few daily decisions on your own as a kid is essential to a human's ability to grow up as a normal and functional being.
For most generations parents wanted their children to have a better childhood than what they had. Seems like my wish is almost the opposite: I want my kid to have the childhood I had, yet I realize that this is not going to be possible. I need to figure out how I am going to cope with not being able to give my daughter the childhood I want her to have. But again, moving to a farm is always an option. : )
Well, this is obviously a rant, after another day of being tired, and trying to find creative ways to avoid more upcoming baby talk during holidays by an impromptu getaway to some place in the Caribbean.
There is a lot that I need to figure out.
